If you are unfamiliar with the awesome Blogging Twilight by the even more awesome Dan Bergstein( his wrists are adequate!), then you live in a hole and should be publicly humiliated. In his blog, Dan bravely tackles the phenomenon chapter by chapter and lays bare the horror underneath. With the recent completion of Blogging Breaking Dawn, I thought it best to summarize this greatness in no uncertain terms.
Twilight
Bella meets Edward
Bella and Edward love each other
Dan meets Emmett and Jacob
Dan thinks Alice is a good character
New Moon
Edward runs away...for some reason
Bella meets Jacob. Things are good
Edward returns. Things are bad.
Dan hates Bella because she is whiny
Dan loves Emmett and Jacob
Dat hates Alice because her power makes no sense
Eclipse
Edward is an abusive boyfriend
We all FINALLY get a vampire-werewolf battle
Dan hates Edward because he is abusive
Dan loves Seth Clearwater
Breaking Dawn
Edward and Bella get married
Edward and Bella have a baby, Renesmee
Jacob falls in love with Renesmee
???
profit!
Dan hates Jacob because he is a baby-dater
Dan hates Renesmee because she is impossibly perfect
Dan kind of forgets about Seth Clearwater
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